DISCLAIMER: I know the intro sucks, but stick around. XD
Prom. People say it's one of the best things that will happen in your life. I am one of those girls who, at one point of their lives, existed for prom. That one point may just be for a few minutes. But I keep wondering why certain things seem convincing that it could change our lives.
I wish I could say I hoped my last dance would last forever, but I never even got to dance with my special someone that night. I smiled my way through, and no one knew it was one of the unhappiest moments of my life. I cried myself to sleep that day. Looking back, I can't even feel a tinge of pain that I had felt. I felt ugly, unwanted, and unloved, but not anymore. Maybe this is what healing feels like. It's surprising when you don't even care about the past. My 15-year-old self would never have bought the idea that what mattered to me then would not really matter to me now. Who would have known that after all those years of boy hunting and insecurity, there would actually be a time that I would genuinely not care about boys? Who would have thought that the confident girl who had so many friends in high school would actually be an introvert who finds it hard to build deep relationships with new people? And who would have foreseen that I'd be a total opposite of who I was before?
God totally saw that coming. In fact, I think He's the mastermind of whatever I'm going through right now. I'm beginning to think that the phrase "people change" is so underrated. People would usually see that in a person when a person's change affects them and it's so obvious. But what about what's happening inside of a person? Do we usually take the time to know what's really going on even when it's not affecting us? No one would have known I'm going through this season when I feel totally unsure of who I am. Now, I can say that God knows me better and really believe it. I still talk to my old friends the same way. I'm still the fun, jolly, assertive, and demanding Krishna. But when I'm around new people, I find it so hard to initiate a conversation, and I can't take small talk. It's like literally living two lives, and that's not new at all.
Before this time in my life, I would claim to be a Christian, go to church, and impart really wise stuff to my youth group, but my integrity was falling apart. What I do when no one's around is what matters. It is the time when it's just the two of us -- God and me -- and I would boldly disregard him and do something wrong. I realized that what I feel right now -- invisible, unwanted, and uninteresting -- might be exactly what God is feeling whenever I sin in secret. I can never know how desperately He wants to be with me, but I know that the intensity of it so great that it cost Him his son. Thankfully, my integrity is now founded on grace, and I don't have to try so hard with my own effort because I know God will come through. I think He wants me to learn something from this. First, relationships takes time and effort. Second, whenever I feel insecure, I just have to be firm in faith that God knows what I feel and I am who He says I am: loved, wanted, accepted, valuable, and a daughter of the most high God.
I am writing because my heart goes out to all the people who feel misunderstood and could not speak up, whether they are Christians or not. I am sure God does not want us to feel alone, cause He's always there. But the church is a family, and no one's supposed to feel that way when you're part of it -- not even me. I'm trying hard, but sometimes I just can't get through, so I thank all the people who took the time to reach out, sit with me, and sincerely listen to what I have to say. It's easy to overlook people who feel so lonely and frustrated because they can't fit in. A person could smile and say hi, and we wouldn't know what they're really feeling. We cannot assume that people do not want to open up, because they do at some point. Sometimes we just have to ask 'cause they're not really trying hard. It's easy to accept people when you don't see the baggage that they're hiding. And I believe there's a yearning in everyone to be able to hold their head up high and know that someone accepts them for who they are no matter what.
If you have only started to know me now, you wouldn't know that I was a selfish girl who always talked about myself. I thought people wanted to hear me out, and they actually listened. For all I know, they were forcing themselves to bear with me cause the things I was saying were not even worth it. Now I'm on the other side of things. I can't even say anything without fearing that I'd make the conversation awkward, or what I had to say is not interesting. So many people out there just want to be heard. So go hear them out, listen, and really care about them, not because you want them to do the same when it's your turn to talk, but just really having that passion to see what God is doing in that person's life, and knowing what they need. When it's all said and done, you might just have the right words to tell them. Maybe you would do that to a person you want to minister to, but you just never know. The most unlikely people might be the ones who need it the most.
Silly me. I'm talking to a blog. Until now, no one has known my prom was devastating. A few people know that I'm going through this right now, including you. But that's our little secret. Ross Frazier just walked out of the church door saying, "You'll make it. If it means anything, you'll make it." Funny, he doesn't even know I'm writing this. I know seasons come and go, but we never know how long it's going to last. God does give the right people in my life whom I can tell the whole truth about myself to, and I won't be feeling this in the future. But while I'm here, I'm making the most out of it. God has put me on the other side of the fence and I have a feeling that a lot of people are walking around feeling this way more that I have imagined.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
On Tumblr: To Rona.
I just thought I'd tell you (again). No one has the right to tell you that you should have moved on already, or specify a date of when you should be able to get over it -- because they have no idea how much it hurts you. They don't feel the way you do. So take your time, cry about it, be wasted about it. You have all the right. You really can't skip the hard part, and you just have to go through each of those feelings. They will come back drastically if you don't let yourself heal properly. God bless, dear. And remember that God is more than willing to heal you, and that when He heals, He gives you a new heart -- no wounds, no scars, nothing. He can and He will give you a new heart, pure and unbroken. Just like what He did with me.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
A Day in the Life of a So-Called Christian
I went to Divisoria today. It rained so hard. I never imagined myself ever walking in a flooded street, let alone a flooded Tabora Street. I trod through the water which looked just a shade lighter than black, filthy with plastic trashes floating all around, and canals probably reeking of rat poop. I got several ulcer attacks, which I've only experience recently. Seriously, not eating really makes me lose weight way more than exercising. But it gave me this. Plus my menstruation, plus having something like diarrhea and constipation rolled in one. My tummy hurt like crazy.
The night before that was also the night in which the spirit of my secret sin came back seven times stronger, with a touch of confusion and an indifference that I resented the most, as my firmness in His Word faded away (a result of compromising my quiet time). It brought along the perfect excuse, whispering in my ear, "Why not go further? It only takes one sin to go to hell, no matter how big or small. And you've already sinned a lot. Why not sin more? Don't you want to maximize this time? You'll ask for forgiveness later on anyway. Sure, he will forgive you. You can always say sorry."
I hated myself for choosing to sin. I hated myself for believing that lie, much more for listening to it. I hated myself because I was aware that I was becoming licentious to His forgiveness. I was abusing Him. And so I soaked myself up in guilt and condemnation, because I knew it was the punishment I deserved. Weeks before that, I was proud of my own righteousness, and my spiritual disciplines that I thought I would finally be okay, and stable. But I couldn't. I would sin again and again with the generational curse that has been put upon me and my family.
Pain from the ulcer attack increased, with every reluctant step I took in that shopping place. I said, "God, please heal me. I know you can." But this sin has blocked off my connection with Him. I no longer felt that He cared. I know He could heal me, but I did not have the confidence that He would. I was ashamed of myself, and I couldn't even call Him my Father. I did say it once because I had to, but with hesitation pinching my heart because I don't deserve to. That was when I knew how to be a so-called Christian:
You wake up each day, and say a recited prayer, knowing that a God exists, and that He's all-powerful, but He doesn't care about you. You sin everyday, say sorry every night, and do the cycle all over again, until Sunday, when you try to be Ms. Righteous and work your way to the assurance that you will make it to heaven when you die. So you sleep at night, still afraid to die, and feeling that emptiness that devours you for the longest time. You are a Christian because it's you're religion. You know He's there but you've never really experienced Him. You sin, but you never really change, or at most you never really want to.
I never want to be away from Him again, but I felt that I couldn't draw near because I was so unfaithful. I broke His heart again. I've offended Him for the nth time, with the sin I loathed so much. I knew I was being condemned, still I wallowed in that feeling, losing the hope for changing and overcoming.
I'm here writing this today because my God is faithful even when I'm not. He does not change His mind about me (Numbers 23:19) and the promises He has already made for me (Joshua 21:45). He did not let me go, He never gave up on me and He helped me stand up again. I know the race is hard, and I will continuously fall down if I trust myself and not depend on Him, but He has chosen and set me apart, and I know that He will see to it that I will finish this race by His grace (Philippians 1:6). It's because of His love, mercy, grace, and faithfulness alone that I can have a stable pure and holy life, and I trust that there is such a thing. I know He is stronger than all my fears and weaknesses summed up, and He will mold my character as His daughter, to be able to serve Him more, and as a woman, for the person He has also set apart for me.
I think that the biggest struggle here is the forgiveness that you can't give yourself, and the guilt and condemnation after you sin that makes you want to turn away from God even more. But my Father loves me even when I'm filthy, and has given everything to make me pure and valuable again. I believe Him and all the things He has done for me, that alone has made me His daughter (Galatians 3:26-29). He said it, so it's settled. No amount of lies from the devil can snatch me out of my Father's hands (John 10:28-29) because He will protect me.
It takes His grace to strike a balance between being legalistic and being licentious. It takes His faithfulness to keep you in track of genuine worship. And I stand with the hope of doing that for good (as in until eternity), because He has redeemed me and called me by name. I am His, and nothing will change that (Isaiah 43:1).
The night before that was also the night in which the spirit of my secret sin came back seven times stronger, with a touch of confusion and an indifference that I resented the most, as my firmness in His Word faded away (a result of compromising my quiet time). It brought along the perfect excuse, whispering in my ear, "Why not go further? It only takes one sin to go to hell, no matter how big or small. And you've already sinned a lot. Why not sin more? Don't you want to maximize this time? You'll ask for forgiveness later on anyway. Sure, he will forgive you. You can always say sorry."
I hated myself for choosing to sin. I hated myself for believing that lie, much more for listening to it. I hated myself because I was aware that I was becoming licentious to His forgiveness. I was abusing Him. And so I soaked myself up in guilt and condemnation, because I knew it was the punishment I deserved. Weeks before that, I was proud of my own righteousness, and my spiritual disciplines that I thought I would finally be okay, and stable. But I couldn't. I would sin again and again with the generational curse that has been put upon me and my family.
Pain from the ulcer attack increased, with every reluctant step I took in that shopping place. I said, "God, please heal me. I know you can." But this sin has blocked off my connection with Him. I no longer felt that He cared. I know He could heal me, but I did not have the confidence that He would. I was ashamed of myself, and I couldn't even call Him my Father. I did say it once because I had to, but with hesitation pinching my heart because I don't deserve to. That was when I knew how to be a so-called Christian:
You wake up each day, and say a recited prayer, knowing that a God exists, and that He's all-powerful, but He doesn't care about you. You sin everyday, say sorry every night, and do the cycle all over again, until Sunday, when you try to be Ms. Righteous and work your way to the assurance that you will make it to heaven when you die. So you sleep at night, still afraid to die, and feeling that emptiness that devours you for the longest time. You are a Christian because it's you're religion. You know He's there but you've never really experienced Him. You sin, but you never really change, or at most you never really want to.
I never want to be away from Him again, but I felt that I couldn't draw near because I was so unfaithful. I broke His heart again. I've offended Him for the nth time, with the sin I loathed so much. I knew I was being condemned, still I wallowed in that feeling, losing the hope for changing and overcoming.
I'm here writing this today because my God is faithful even when I'm not. He does not change His mind about me (Numbers 23:19) and the promises He has already made for me (Joshua 21:45). He did not let me go, He never gave up on me and He helped me stand up again. I know the race is hard, and I will continuously fall down if I trust myself and not depend on Him, but He has chosen and set me apart, and I know that He will see to it that I will finish this race by His grace (Philippians 1:6). It's because of His love, mercy, grace, and faithfulness alone that I can have a stable pure and holy life, and I trust that there is such a thing. I know He is stronger than all my fears and weaknesses summed up, and He will mold my character as His daughter, to be able to serve Him more, and as a woman, for the person He has also set apart for me.
I think that the biggest struggle here is the forgiveness that you can't give yourself, and the guilt and condemnation after you sin that makes you want to turn away from God even more. But my Father loves me even when I'm filthy, and has given everything to make me pure and valuable again. I believe Him and all the things He has done for me, that alone has made me His daughter (Galatians 3:26-29). He said it, so it's settled. No amount of lies from the devil can snatch me out of my Father's hands (John 10:28-29) because He will protect me.
It takes His grace to strike a balance between being legalistic and being licentious. It takes His faithfulness to keep you in track of genuine worship. And I stand with the hope of doing that for good (as in until eternity), because He has redeemed me and called me by name. I am His, and nothing will change that (Isaiah 43:1).
Friday, October 7, 2011
An Open Letter To The Only Guy I Loved
Dear Tiger,
It's been two years. I've written things about you every once in a while. I never seem to forget. I've cried countless nights because of you. I tried distracting myself with a lot of schoolwork. I tried smiling again. And it even surprised me that I looked as if I've never been happier, as if I didn't have a single care in the world. I also tried hating you, and blaming you. When it didn't work out, I started blaming myself. I blamed God a lot of times as well, though I am ashamed that I did so. I did a lot of things to take my mind off you. I accepted that emotions come and go, and that maybe the reason why I can't forget was because I was nurturing my feelings for you, and I held on to the memories.
I wanted to let go of you and be indifferent. There were times that I would see you, and I wouldn't feel anything special, but it would bother me days after. Whenever I hear your name, my heart jumps. Sometimes when I hear news about you, it would cause me to think about you for the next 72 hours. I have learned to control my emotions, and for the past months, I didn't care about you. But I knew I wasn't ready yet to see you or to hear from you. I told myself that I'd restrain myself from all things that would connect me to you, maybe until I'm ready to face you and not fall for you again.
In the end, all the anger, hurt and pain you've caused didn't stay. I tried to be mad, but I couldn't hate you and love you at the same time. So I chose to love you instead. It wasn't a feeling, there were no emotions, I just knew I loved you. It gave me peace, going on like this. Though I still regret that I hadn't noticed the things I did that made us fall apart.
I loved you but my actions contradicted me. I couldn't show what I really felt because I was afraid that you were the kind of guy who would leave the same time as the challenge does. I was forced to be dominant because I was already falling helplessly, and I was afraid that in the end, I would suffer. I was so obsessed with the past that I wanted to dig into yours, when you were trying hard to forget them. I got so used to the simple things you did that I stopped appreciating them. I made you jealous countless times because I felt insecure when you showed me you didn't care, though you've told me once that you were affected. I've been insensitive, always wanting to get the upper hand. I only thought about myself and what I felt, and I never thought of what you'd feel whenever I pretended that you were about to lose me. Now that I know how it feels to lose you, I realized how much I've hurt you before. I made assumptions, when I knew I should have trusted you. I was confused, because after a fight you never failed to smile or joke around the next day, as if nothing happened. I thought our break-up was nothing to you. I was fickle and selfish. I couldn't think with your perspective, I couldn't put myself in your shoes.
I was not able to love another person again after you. I only wanted you. I didn't want to love someone else while my heart hasn't healed yet. It has healed now, but I know I'm not ready. It was a choice not to be. I still can't imagine myself loving someone aside from you. I believe you have forgiven me, and for that, I thank you. At one point, I tried going back to the memory lane, but the memories weren't there. I thought hard, but it was getting difficult to reach them. I'm finally okay without them. I have buried them unconsciously.
So today, I'm writing to you. Those memories are in danger of being forgotten. I know I should be happy now, because whenever I remember them, it hurts to know that the making of those memories had stopped, for good. But I want to hold on, for those are the happiest moments of my life. Even after it's all said and done, it is my choice to be honest with myself about what I've really wanted all along. I want to be with you again. I want to hold you tight, and make you happy, even when you always confuse me with your mysteries. I want to laugh with you again. I just want to be beside you, and see you smile. I know it's impossible, it would never be the same. I know that you're better off without me. You have made your choice. I'm fine with your apathy now, even if that means you don't love me anymore. I don't know what letting go means, but I will be happy for you, if you ever find another person to love. As for me, I believe that love never ends, no matter how much you try to put an end to it. I'm sorry that I have stolen your first kiss. I am sorry I didn't love you the way I should have. I am sorry for hurting you, I didn't mean to. I won't be waiting for you, but I will continue to love you.
Love,
Your ex-girlfriend
PS. Yeah, I guess I'm a masochist. Hahaha.
It's been two years. I've written things about you every once in a while. I never seem to forget. I've cried countless nights because of you. I tried distracting myself with a lot of schoolwork. I tried smiling again. And it even surprised me that I looked as if I've never been happier, as if I didn't have a single care in the world. I also tried hating you, and blaming you. When it didn't work out, I started blaming myself. I blamed God a lot of times as well, though I am ashamed that I did so. I did a lot of things to take my mind off you. I accepted that emotions come and go, and that maybe the reason why I can't forget was because I was nurturing my feelings for you, and I held on to the memories.
I wanted to let go of you and be indifferent. There were times that I would see you, and I wouldn't feel anything special, but it would bother me days after. Whenever I hear your name, my heart jumps. Sometimes when I hear news about you, it would cause me to think about you for the next 72 hours. I have learned to control my emotions, and for the past months, I didn't care about you. But I knew I wasn't ready yet to see you or to hear from you. I told myself that I'd restrain myself from all things that would connect me to you, maybe until I'm ready to face you and not fall for you again.
In the end, all the anger, hurt and pain you've caused didn't stay. I tried to be mad, but I couldn't hate you and love you at the same time. So I chose to love you instead. It wasn't a feeling, there were no emotions, I just knew I loved you. It gave me peace, going on like this. Though I still regret that I hadn't noticed the things I did that made us fall apart.
I loved you but my actions contradicted me. I couldn't show what I really felt because I was afraid that you were the kind of guy who would leave the same time as the challenge does. I was forced to be dominant because I was already falling helplessly, and I was afraid that in the end, I would suffer. I was so obsessed with the past that I wanted to dig into yours, when you were trying hard to forget them. I got so used to the simple things you did that I stopped appreciating them. I made you jealous countless times because I felt insecure when you showed me you didn't care, though you've told me once that you were affected. I've been insensitive, always wanting to get the upper hand. I only thought about myself and what I felt, and I never thought of what you'd feel whenever I pretended that you were about to lose me. Now that I know how it feels to lose you, I realized how much I've hurt you before. I made assumptions, when I knew I should have trusted you. I was confused, because after a fight you never failed to smile or joke around the next day, as if nothing happened. I thought our break-up was nothing to you. I was fickle and selfish. I couldn't think with your perspective, I couldn't put myself in your shoes.
I was not able to love another person again after you. I only wanted you. I didn't want to love someone else while my heart hasn't healed yet. It has healed now, but I know I'm not ready. It was a choice not to be. I still can't imagine myself loving someone aside from you. I believe you have forgiven me, and for that, I thank you. At one point, I tried going back to the memory lane, but the memories weren't there. I thought hard, but it was getting difficult to reach them. I'm finally okay without them. I have buried them unconsciously.
So today, I'm writing to you. Those memories are in danger of being forgotten. I know I should be happy now, because whenever I remember them, it hurts to know that the making of those memories had stopped, for good. But I want to hold on, for those are the happiest moments of my life. Even after it's all said and done, it is my choice to be honest with myself about what I've really wanted all along. I want to be with you again. I want to hold you tight, and make you happy, even when you always confuse me with your mysteries. I want to laugh with you again. I just want to be beside you, and see you smile. I know it's impossible, it would never be the same. I know that you're better off without me. You have made your choice. I'm fine with your apathy now, even if that means you don't love me anymore. I don't know what letting go means, but I will be happy for you, if you ever find another person to love. As for me, I believe that love never ends, no matter how much you try to put an end to it. I'm sorry that I have stolen your first kiss. I am sorry I didn't love you the way I should have. I am sorry for hurting you, I didn't mean to. I won't be waiting for you, but I will continue to love you.
Love,
Your ex-girlfriend
PS. Yeah, I guess I'm a masochist. Hahaha.
To blog readers: I had a crush on this Korean actor way back June-July 2009. I forgot his name. So I liked this person and "him" at the same time, okay? And I was just as amazed that they had the same eyes. Or nearly the same face. I deleted him from my desktop because when I look at his awesome picture, I only remember someone else. Hahaha. But I'm posting it here so you have an idea. Kawaiii!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Rationalizing once again
It's so hard for me to write here. A clean white page, a new start. It's not like everything's not gonna come to pass. But the things you do, every single one of them, will always leave a mark on the lives of other people. The question is, will it be a "tattoo" kind of thing you can be proud of, or a painful scar?
I still can't tell which one was left on me by a very special person. He made almost all kinds of defense mechanisms effective on me. I've tried denying that "we" ever happened. I've tried repressing all the memories I've had with him. I've tried hating him, and forgiving him. Yet thinking of him still makes me smile. I have also never stopped rationalizing how we ended up like this, always, until now.
But I can't get stuck on the past; it makes God's forgiveness senseless.
People always want explanations that can justify the uncontrollable things that happen to them. All I know is that, it's all a matter of trusting the One who knows what's perfect for us. And we certainly can't trust our hearts. It has all the wrong feelings most of the time.
I remember Morrie Schwartz saying, "Love is the only rational act." Maybe it's true. Maybe some of the most rational things are really hard to understand. Maybe the end justifies the mean. Or maybe I'm just too idealistic.
But who has the right to judge if what I do is right or wrong when there's a million other perceptions out there, including what's uniquely mine? And I don't know, maybe anyone can really be hurt by any "what if" that runs on their minds.
"'Cause I can't live if you're unhappy. I can't live if you cry. But I can live without you if it makes you smile. And I can't wait to see you rising. I can't wait for you to shine. But I can wait for you if all you need is time." –Butch Walker
I still can't tell which one was left on me by a very special person. He made almost all kinds of defense mechanisms effective on me. I've tried denying that "we" ever happened. I've tried repressing all the memories I've had with him. I've tried hating him, and forgiving him. Yet thinking of him still makes me smile. I have also never stopped rationalizing how we ended up like this, always, until now.
But I can't get stuck on the past; it makes God's forgiveness senseless.
People always want explanations that can justify the uncontrollable things that happen to them. All I know is that, it's all a matter of trusting the One who knows what's perfect for us. And we certainly can't trust our hearts. It has all the wrong feelings most of the time.
I remember Morrie Schwartz saying, "Love is the only rational act." Maybe it's true. Maybe some of the most rational things are really hard to understand. Maybe the end justifies the mean. Or maybe I'm just too idealistic.
But who has the right to judge if what I do is right or wrong when there's a million other perceptions out there, including what's uniquely mine? And I don't know, maybe anyone can really be hurt by any "what if" that runs on their minds.
"'Cause I can't live if you're unhappy. I can't live if you cry. But I can live without you if it makes you smile. And I can't wait to see you rising. I can't wait for you to shine. But I can wait for you if all you need is time." –Butch Walker
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Kholyn – Krishna Conversation
*Text Message
Kholyn:
God is the
best healer, why depend on time?
best healer, why depend on time?
Krishna:
Doesn’t God
heal with time?
heal with time?
Kholyn:
God has His
own time.
own time.
*LOL, Krishna.
Kokontra ka pa eh. =))
Kokontra ka pa eh. =))
Jaggy – Krishna Conversation
On Facebook
Jaggy
3:49 PM
Moving on isn't about time or therapy.
Me
3:50 PM
Then what?
Jaggy
3:50 PM
It’s about having a purpose to move on.
Hangga’t wala ka nun, ‘di mo mapipilit makapag move on.
Only scars take time but not moving on.
Me
3:52 PM
Makes sense.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
I'm ceasing to blame my headaches on fate.
Broken relationships are not mishaps. ~John Levi Masuli
I had a heart-to-heart talk with my lifegroup leader. She told me that I was set for Victory Weekend on August 21. A day after his birthday, and three days before our supposed anniversary. I laughed out loud for no reason why. And she knew right then that I wanted to say something. But I couldn't say it. So I continued to giggle and laugh.
I think I recovered after a few minutes. Then I started to tell her about my first and only ex-boyfriend. I told her all the sides of the story, including the part where I was supposed to trust, but I didn't. Shame on me. Yet she only said, "You deserve better. No, actually, you deserve the best. Remember, the enemy of better is always best." She said that God loves me so much and He would give me the best. Maybe He just wants me to learn something.
I read this verse a few days ago, and it's been on my mind ever since.
"Forget about what happened long ago! Don't think about the past. I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19 (CEV)
I guess it's time for me to move on. Though I kind of told myself somehow that the reason why I'm stuck is because I love him and I believe that love lasts forever, it's still not an excuse to keep looking back and be regretful. Because I know those painful details of my life were painted by my Father to complete the beyond-beautiful, bigger picture.
It's not just fate. It's God working in my life. It's Him letting me go through the process of being hurt so I would know better. It's Him preparing me spiritually and emotionally for my true love.
Broken relationships are not mishaps. There's a reason why it all had to happen. And eventually, I have to stop wasting my emotions for things that are already said and done.
I have to stop giving away parts of myself and start saving it for the one who's meant for me.
"Promise me... never to awaken love until it is ready." - Song of Songs 2:7 (CEV)
And I know I'm not yet ready.
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