Recurring case of melancholy

I only have a few hours to spare for this blog every week. But right now, my aunt went to a business meeting that would last for 3 days, so I'm not busy. And I've never felt so lonely in this foreign land. I don't have any real and close friends I can talk to and have fun with. I'd socialize in Facebook, and I'm even desperate enough to find a friend in Omegle, since it feels as if my being is incomplete when I'm alone. Maybe I don't need to talk, I just need someone to be physically near me. And right now, there isn't a single person around. I am alone, and getting a bit lonely. As I was attempting to do those small stuff again, and planning to go out to find a church, I realized something.

No relationship can satisfy me. My friends, my spiritual family or the church, and even my own family will never be able to fill the emptiness I have. And all the socializing I do will never substitute to the relationship He offers. There is a hole, an endless vacuum in my heart that only God can fill. It dawned on me that at the end of the day, He is all that matters, and only His love can satisfy me. And I am amazed, because He never left me even when I was ignoring Him for the past few days.

Also, I'm quite irritated that secular songs, especially love songs, add to that loneliness I feel. The regrets are coming back again. I have this recurring case of melancholy. I know it's just in my mind, because I have been redeemed from my past, I have been healed, and I have an everlasting source of peace, hope, and joy. Funny how the enemy plays mind games with us, making us believe that we are people bound in misery and depression, and ridding us of the joy of our salvation. That is not true, we are His children, and He has set us free from that. Jesus is already enough -- actually, more than enough. Even if He was the only person who existed in the world, aside from you, He will satisfy your every need. He already has, and He will, in the future. I just can't help the tears that are about to fall from my eyes as I marvel at how beautiful He is, and why He loves me when all I ever do is turn away from Him.

So practically, I shall not listen to love songs for a while. I shall distract myself, and shake off those negative thoughts that the enemy is placing on my mind. I know and I believe that God's plans for me are wonderful, and I'm not going to sit around wishing I did or didn't do this and that. Everything went according to His plan. If it didn't, He wouldn't be in control. So I'll be ready. I will brace myself. Memories shall not bring regret, but rather lessons learned, and be a constant reminder of how close I was to hitting the ground when I decided to do things my own way -- and how He catches me each time I fall, turning my life upside down. It will all get better, we can always hope in Him.

Mood Swings and PMS :)

Mood Swing (noun)

-Alternation of a person's emotional state between periods of euphoria and depression.

This might be PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome). It must be. I've been feeling a bit wasted and empty at the end of the day for the past week. And suddenly, after singing to myself a rather shaky version of 98 Degrees' "Because of You", I felt like crying. Now I feel like crap.

For a few minutes (and I mean very few), I remembered my only ex-boyfriend. I missed him. But I can't say that I haven't moved on, I know this isn't entirely about him, because after a while I already felt okay. I guess it's normal to have regrets and miss your ex-whatever occasionally, here and there. I guess a memory of a happy moment can either make you feel happy or sad, or maybe both. I guess sometimes we just savor the memories we try so hard to hold on to, and then drop it all of a sudden, because there are just things that are never going to happen anymore. And though we're just dying to see those things come to life, we know that letting them be is the best thing to do.